The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize