Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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