My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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