She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
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I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
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I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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