i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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