she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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