I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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