Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
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Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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