OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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