i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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