He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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