Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize