Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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