Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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