yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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