I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my liver is dry heaving
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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