Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
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I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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