I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize