So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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