you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My ATM looks so different sober.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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