Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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