It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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