The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize