You really coming over, don't trick.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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