I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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