the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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