Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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