I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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