Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize