What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize