smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
farters have to be the big spoon...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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