Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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