I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize