we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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