I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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