Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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