WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just high enough for therapy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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