I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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