yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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