There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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