There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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