quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize