We're like a lot better than the average bears
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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