is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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