Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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