if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i believe in u and ur pee
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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