: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize