Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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