Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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(514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8

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(708): View more from Illinois

Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me

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(708): Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me http://tfl.nu/afk5

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(713): View more from Texas

i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better

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(713): i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better http://tfl.nu/apc9

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(971): View more from Oregon

I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.

(971): View more from Oregon

Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.

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(971): I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it. (971): Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated. http://tfl.nu/1c8f

Replies (7) Good night (4426) Bad night (468)
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(512): View more from Texas

Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic

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(512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic http://tfl.nu/ja5d

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(305): View more from Florida

Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.

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(305): Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS. http://tfl.nu/tzd0

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.

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(203): I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails. http://tfl.nu/h0ov

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(352): View more from Florida

I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

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(352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?

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(610): So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her? http://tfl.nu/wt2f

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final

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(724): Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final http://tfl.nu/g3gv

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(916): View more from California

Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.

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(916): Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive. http://tfl.nu/cw9i

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(712): View more from Iowa

You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.

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(712): You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you. http://tfl.nu/5ard

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(+61): View more from Australia

Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.

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(+61): Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke. http://tfl.nu/ckis

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(407): View more from Florida

I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"

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(407): I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry" http://tfl.nu/fy98

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(470): View more from Georgia

My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.

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(470): My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time. http://tfl.nu/utoz

Replies (6) Good night (1390) Bad night (294)

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