dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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